


Footsteps

by minseokuals (orphan_account)



Category: K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Also this flopped on tumblr, Angst and Feels, Complicated Relationships, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Listen to footsteps by Kehlani, Other, Unhealthy Relationships, gender neutral reader, mentions of abuse, so!, that’s where this came from
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 15:04:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18802747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/minseokuals
Summary: Have you ever had a relationship where you constantly came back to, no matter how toxic?





	Footsteps

That relationship where you keep going back after every breakup. That relationship where you say “this is the last time” or “I’m not going to put myself through this pain again.” This is that relationship.

There isn’t any bad blood between you two, it just doesn’t work. All it takes is one petty argument and you’re single about four days later.

It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen more than it should. Maybe it’s the difference between your love language. Maybe it’s the fact that he craves personal space when you crave attention.

But how did this happen? Where did you go wrong?

“I’m not going to say I told you so, but I told you so.”

It was the first time you and Changbin broke up. You called Hyunjin crying and he was immediately at your side. He was never a fan of Changbin and the way he broke things off is one reason why.

“He just said you were being too clingy and broke up with you?”

“Not exactly. He said he needed space for a while, grabbed his bag and left,” you sniffled.

“Do you know where he went?”

“Chris’ house maybe? Jisung? I’m not too sure.”

“What even caused this to happen?”

You shrugged your shoulders and looked at your vibrating phone on the table. “That does say Chris, right?”

“Yeah. But why would he be calling you?”

“Maybe Changbin didn’t go over his house, or maybe he’s calling me to tell me that he’s over there. I don’t know.” You picked the phone up and the first thing Chris said is that Changbin is not over there.

“Then where is he?”

Hyunjin looked at you with his head cocked to the side, and you glanced at him before sighing. “Chris, can I put you on speaker? I’m with Hyunjin and he’s being nosy.”

“Hyunjin, the one who hangs out with Minho and Felix.” Hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips.

“Yes your Felix,” you sighed before putting your phone on speaker.

“Chris, where the fuck is your best friend?” Hyunjin interrogated through your phone.

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be calling Y/n. Would I?” Chris said sarcastically.

“Can we not do this right now? I’m literally going through a breakup and my boy— ex-boyfriend is nowhere to be found.”

“Sorry,” Hyunjin whispered. “Same,” Chris mumbled.

“Did you call Jisung, Chris?” You asked sighing.

“I did actually.”

“But?” Hyunjin questioned.

“He didn’t answer. I didn’t question it because he normally doesn’t answer his phone, but it doesn’t hurt to drop by,” Chris finished.

“So why didn’t you? I’m confused on why you called me.”

Chris snickered and Hyunjin rolled his eyes, “I wanted to see if you wanted to come with me. I know this won’t last long, and as weird as this sounds, Changbin is actually in love with you.”

“You’re so fucking insensitive, Bang Chan,” Hyunjin snapped and you looked at him in shock. “It’s been less than 24 hours since they broke up, how do you think this is going to go if he is at Jisung’s house?”

“Hyunjin,” you started. It’s okay, if he is there I’ll be fine.”

“So?” Chris asked.

“I’ll go, but Hyunjin is coming with,” you said as you looked at Hyunjin’s face full of disgust.

“I won’t hit him, I promise,” Hyunjin said as he got up.

“See you there?”

“Yeah,” you hung up the phone and sighed loudly. Hyunjin placed his hand on your shoulder, “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“If I know where he is, I’ll be able to sleep a little better.”

You and Hyunjin met Chris in front of Jisung’s apartment and you sighed for the umpteenth time that night. Hyunjin grabbed your hand and squeezed it for reassurance, “You can still back out.”

“I’m okay. Chris, are you gonna knock or something?”

“I actually have a key,” Chris said waving said key in the air.

“Y/n you never gave me a copy of your key, and we’re best friends,” Hyunjin pouted.

“What if Changbin was walking around butt ass naked and you walked in? That wouldn’t be a pretty picture.”

“Okay, I’ll stick to knocking.”

Chris snorted a little and unlocked Jisung’s front door. When the three of you walked in, y’all were greeted with Jisung and Changbin on the couch yelling, playing the game.

Jisung’s eyes widened and Changbin stared at you with his mouth slightly open.

“In my defense, Changbin told me not to answer my phone,” Jisung suddenly said.

“At least I know you’re okay,” you whispered.

“Y/n.”

You hummed in response and waited for Changbin to continue, but Hyunjin spoke up before he could say anything.

“If you’re going to apologize, do it sincerely or don’t do it all. I don’t know what the hell happened but I don’t want to hear or see Y/n cry like that over you again.”

“O-oh,” Jisung whispered out with his face full of shock. “We can leave if y’all need to talk.”

“Isn’t this your place?” Chris asked.

“I’ll go outside and if Changbin wants to talk to me, he’ll follow,” you interrupted.

Jisung sprung up from his spot on the couch, “Or me, Chris, and Hyunjin can just go outside or something. It’s okay.”

“Uh yeah sure,” Hyunjin glanced at you one last time before heading to the door. Once you and Changbin were alone it felt as if the tension in the room got thicker as you both stayed silent. It wasn’t until you looked straight into Changbin’s eyes with a sad smile on your face, which made him get up from the couch and hug you.

“I’m sorry,” he said with his voice muffled into your shirt.

The amount of self-control it took not to cry was holding you back from returning the hug, but he didn’t let go. In fact, Changbin tightened the hug.

“Why are you saying sorry? I was being too clingy and it pushed you away.”

“No,” Changbin mumbled. “It was my fault. This is my first real relationship, and you’re the first person to actually show me a great amount of affection.”

You wrapped your arms around Changbin and he relaxed in your arms, “So why’d you say what you did?” You asked quietly.

Instead of responding, Changbin started sniffling. You didn’t press any further and hugged him tighter.

After a few minutes, Changbin mumbled, “I was scared.”

But what about the other times he broke up with you? What about all those other times he told you that you needed to back off and that you’re suffocating?

He didn’t say that he was scared the second time; he told you that you reminded him of his ex. The same ex that would waver between wanting Changbin’s full attention then pushed him away. The same ex that told him that they were head over heels for him, then cheated on him a few days later.

But you didn’t find out why he compared the two of you until a few days after you broke up. Jisung made Changbin confess to him, then he went ahead and told you.

It wasn’t the fact that you physically reminded Changbin of his ex, but your actions were to blame. However, you were only acting distant and sometimey because of school and your family.

Changbin didn’t know that though, and you’re the type of person who doesn’t like sharing their problems and stressors with anyone.

That’s how it was most of the time, most of the breakups start off as misunderstandings then branch of into something more serious.

The third time you actually broke up with Changbin. Everything was an entire misunderstanding. Changbin ended up misunderstanding the reason why flowers were popping up for you every few weeks.

They were coming from someone you knew, but they were a former partner who wanted to be a part of your life again, and he knew that. Changbin knew who was constantly sending you flowers. But he couldn’t sit with the fact that they know where you live.

Changbin’s suspicions ended up getting the best of him, and you were accused of cheating right under his nose.

“Why would I cheat with someone who cheated on me? Matter of fact, why would I cheat on you, knowing that it happened to the both of us, Changbin?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out!” He yelled.

“You’re not making any sense, talk to me when you’re not yelling and when you’re thinking straight.”

“No,” Changbin started. “We need to talk about this now.”

“Why should we? You think I’m cheating on you with an abusive asshole, what is there to talk about?” You stared at Changbin and he avoided contact by looking at the note in the flowers.

“What does the note say?”

“Go ahead and read it, if you want. I’m done with this right now.” You sighed and waved Changbin off.

“Babe,” he started.

“Don’t babe me,” you scoffed. “You just accused me of cheating on you. Do you truly believe that I can just forgive you?”

“It was my mistake!” Changbin raised his voice again, this time louder, making you flinch.

Changbin knew the effects of when someone yells at you in an argument. You immediately go into fight or flight mode, and it’s all because of your ex. Your ex yelled at you a lot and most of the time the yelling would lead to hitting.

As soon as he saw you flinch, Changbin took notice of his demeanor and tried to walk over to comfort you.

You took a step back and let out a shaky breath that stopped Changbin in his tracks. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

You didn’t even look at him, you just pointed to the door and mumbled a quiet, “Get out.”

“Y/n—“

It was your turn to raise your voice. “I said get out!” At this point, you let the tears fall and it hurt Changbin to see that he caused this.

“Do you want me to sleep on the couch? I can do that for you.”

“No. I need space from you. I can’t be around you right now,” you paused to stop yourself from breaking down. “I need to be alone for a few days. You can go over Chris’ or Jisung’s.”

You let out another shaky breath and retreated to your shared bedroom, leaving Changbin alone.

Its crazy how much control your ex still had over you. They still have control over your mental state. Control over current and future relationships, and control over your trust in people.

That was actually the longest you spent away from him. It took about four weeks before you were able to approach and forgive him.

Ironically, when you guys are together, everything is great. Consistent movie nights, date nights and cute little walks on the beach. There are even times where Changbin would invite a few people, his friends and yours, for a “cuddle party”, which is basically another movie night.

Your friends combined, however, believe that this entire relationship is a ticking time bomb. All you need is something, a disagreement or a misunderstanding, to set it off.

It’s like walking on eggshells, and you didn’t realize it until Hyunjin pointed it out after a few more breakups.

“Does he know you called his sister?” Hyunjin asked with a cracker hanging halfway out his mouth.

“Of course he doesn’t,” you started. “It’s for his birthday party and they haven’t talked in so long.”

“And why do you think that, Y/n? I honestly think it’s because he’s an—.”

“Hey,” you sternly said, cutting Hyunjin off.

“I wasn’t going to say anything, he probably has cameras up around here.”

You stopped icing the cake and turned to glare at Hyunjin. “Sorry,” he mumbled before stuffing a cracker in his mouth.

“Can you please be nice? Things have actually been great between us.”

Hyunjin scoffed in response before getting up from the bar stool in front of the island in the kitchen. “I’ll start being nice when y’all stop breaking up.”

“Hyunjin.”

“I’m serious, Y/n. I’ll be nicer to him when he stops acting so sensitive and stupid about everything.”

“He does not act sensitive, all the time,” you mumbled.

“Think about it, Y/n. How do think this is going to go once he sees his sister, after what? Four years? Five?”

“They’re family. It’ll be okay.”

And it actually went better than expected. Changbin was a little caught off guard that you went through his parents to contact his sister, but it wasn’t a big deal.

What did become a big deal was the fact that you said that Changbin could be a little sensitive, in your birthday speech for him.

“What makes you think I’m sensitive?” Changbin randomly asked while putting lotion on his face.

“What are you talking—oh. I mean yeah, I never realized it but you’re a little sensitive about things.”

He sat on the bed next to you and the tension in the room instantly thickened. “What little things am I sensitive about?”

“It’s not specific things. It’s overall, Changbin,” you sighed out.

“Like what?”

“The situation with my ex, me calling you sensitive, the Xbox situation, Hyunjin saying that he loves me, and whatever the fuck happened between you and your sister.”

His tone was slightly louder than normal, “Those were all valid reasons for being whatever you consider sensitive,” he said.

“Lower your voice, Changbin. And not all of them. You just overreact sometimes and it gets out of hand.”

Changbin didn’t respond, he got off of the bed and left the room. “Where are you going,” you called after him.

“I’m sleeping in the living room tonight,” he responded while walking away.

You got off of the bed and followed him into the living room. “See, this is what I mean. I answered your question and you get all pissy about it.”

Changbin glanced at you and shrugged his shoulders in response. “I don’t know what to tell you, Y/n. I came at you with a problem and you gave me an answer that I didn’t like. What do you expect me to do?”

“I don’t know, how about come to a conclusion? How can we fix this situation? How can we fix your sensitive ass attitude because I’m sick of walking on eggshells in this relationship! You exploded.

Changbin scoffed out loud before laughing out loud. “If you’re sick of it then why are we still together?”

“Honestly, I don’t know, you paused. “Why are we still trying?” You quietly questioned.

“Because we’re still holding on to something that isn’t there anymore,” he replied.

“But, I believe it’s still there. Somewhere,” you mumbled.

“It’s not, Y/n. At least not for me.”

Tears started to swell up in your eyes and you tried your best to prevent them from falling. “So what? We’re just giving up? Not willing to fix anything?”

“I’m sorry, Y/n. It’s just not the same anymore,” Changbin quietly said.

“It’s not the same because we’re not in the honeymoon phase. It happens to everyone and we have to try to maintain the chemistry, but it seems like you don’t want to do that.”

“I’m sorry.”

You wiped your tears that did manage to make it out and you took a deep breath. “Then so be it,” you started. “If this is it, for real this time, I’ll still be around if you need someone.”

Changbin stood up from the couch and turned in your direction. “You don’t have to do that Y/n. And you definitely don’t have to hold everything in.”

“Trust me, I want to cry. I want to just fall into the floor and let everything out, but I’m not. That won’t make anything better.”

“I’m really sorry, Y/n.”

“I’m going to bed,” you whispered.

Instead of actually falling asleep in your bed, you just laid there feeling like you lost a huge piece of your life.

You eventually did cry. Not as much as you did the first time Changbin broke up with you, but it was enough to show how broken you felt.

You decided to text Hyunjin to explain the situation and reminded him not to touch Changbin. Just explaining the situation made you break down again. But at least you got to sleep.

The next morning, Hyunjin was immediately at your side. He held you while you cried and while you slept and you couldn’t have felt any better.

“I think I’ll give you an extra key now,” you randomly said breaking the silence.

“Is this for real?” Hyunjin tried to say with his voice full of shock.

“We’re broken up for real this time,” you started. “So yes.”

You started to sniffle again and Hyunjin hugged you closer to his chest. “It’s okay, you can cry. It’s alright to show how you feel, Y/n.”

Part of you still felt completely broken, but there was also a tiny light inside of you that felt like you broke free from something that was holding you back. That relationship that was holding you back.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I’m taking this off of Tumblr


End file.
